How to manage love affair at work, especially if it's with your BOSS !!
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Counsellor Anita Mehta who runs a clinic of her own in a posh Delhi colony says, she often has such patients with anxiety who have love relationship with their bosses turned sour.
"It's a tricky situation because 'dating the boss' is widely unacceptable. Some can accept it, but others will feel some resentment toward you. This can be especially true if another worker has an eye on the boss as well or feels you can get professional advantage easily," she says.
In such situations, having a normal balanced relationship with the boss is difficult until both sides are sure of each other's feelings. Rumours can spar the relationship with one moving on, while the other refuses to believe he/she has been dumped and has become the talk of office.
But, Mehta says, there are many cases where such a relationship is manageable and even acceptable, as long as it doesn't affect work quality or production.
It all depends on how you nurture it, says Mehta, as she goes on to discuss some golden rules to follow when you end up in a
Discuss What Sort of a Relationship You're Getting Into
Is one of you only interested in a one-time fling, or are you both interested in a long-term relationship? Are either of you involved with someone else? Misunderstood intentions in this type of situation can have serious consequences, especially if after a few dates with you, your boss starts flirting with the new secretary. Before starting, have a serious discussion about your intentions before you move any further. Make a rule together that while at work you are employee and boss instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.
Be Wise and Think Of Everything That Can Happen Going Forward
Of course, no one wants to think about the possibility that they might break up. It's always a possibility, and one that you should both be prepared for. Draw up an agreement or create a backup plan on what you will do if you break up. Will one of you resign? Can you promise not to let emotions get in the way of future treatment at work? This is extra important for the boss. If the relationship fizzles, the jilted lover can claim an abuse of power or even sexual harassment. The last thing your boss needs is a lawsuit, so think it over carefully before moving forward.
Decide Whether to Reveal Your Relationship at Work
In most cases, it's best to keep your relationship quiet at work, and treat each other the same as you did before you were together. Remember that even if you only tell one person, it's likely that the entire office will eventually find out. If you do decide to reveal your relationship, do not let it affect your work under any circumstances. You will be under extra scrutiny for special treatment from management as well as you will never be able to have a conversation at work with your boss/boyfriend without all the employees trying to listen in to see if it is personal.
Control your Urges
It can be difficult to maintain a professional attitude in your workplace after getting involved in a love relationship with your boss, especially when you're spending so much time together at work. Touching each other at work should be completely off-limits. Avoid light touches, kissing, hand-holding, hugging and other physical contact while at work, and especially if other coworkers are around. This can make the other employees uncomfortable. Love and lust can cloud your mind, but if you're trying to keep a professional image, avoid any distracting and flirtatious behavior at the workplace.
Maintain your Performance
It's easy to forget that you are still a normal employee, even if you're an "apple tart sweet custard pie" in the eyes of your boss. This means no special treatment for either of you. Instead of using your relationship with your boss as an excuse to slack off on your assignments, try to do better. Consider yourself lucky. What's better than spending your hectic work days knowing the love of your life has your back? Use that moral support to encourage your best behavior, continue to improve yourself and impress your sweetheart by getting things done. This makes your boss look better, too, since it can help avoid criticism from other employees when they see that your relationship doesn't interfere with your work performance.
Don't throw attitude around
If you've decided to reveal your relationship to your coworkers, they'll probably expect things to change around the office. Regardless of the prestige you get from your romantic relationship with your boss, and despite the giggles from your friends saying that you caught the big fish, you're still not the king or queen of the land. Stay humble, and remember that you just happened to fall in love with the person who also happened to be your boss. Don't let pride affect your attitude. If your boss asks you to do a work-related task, do it out of responsibility. Don't act like doing your job or helping out your coworkers is beneath you now. Your co-workers/friends may suddenly seem distant because they will be worried you will report things to the boss. Suddenly your place at the lunch/breakroom table will be taken away as your co workers will not be able to relax around you because you may as well be the boss as far as they are concerned. One of the bonding aspects of co-workers is discussing the issues with management together and you will no longer be included in those conversations.
Prioritize your relationship outside of work
Keep the lines of communication open. All relationships require a healthy dose of conversation, and not just small talk. Since a subordinate/superior relationship is like a balancing act, you should always have a clear picture of each other's feelings about the relationship. All couples eventually have arguments and issues. Never take these to work with you.Make time either before or after work to discuss important issues, and don't fight, argue or discuss personal issues at the office, as tempting as it might be. Keep the romance alive outside of the workplace and make time for each other, so your private life doesn't spill over onto your professional one.
Don't use company funds for personal gain
While it might be tempting to take business trips together on the company's dime, you know that traveling together makes it a much more personal affair. Even something as simple as working on more projects together can be misconstrued as an excuse to spend more time together, so be aware of how your actions look to others. Plan trips and dates outside of your work schedule to avoid the temptation to spend all of your time together. Make sure that you are not the only one chosen to work over time or stay late at the office. It will be natural to want to stay late with your boss, however have your boss make sure that the offer is extended to others in the office.
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